When I was something like 14, I read some zine (remember those?) about how everyone had a lot of rights under the Constitution they didn’t know about.  One of them, it claimed, was that everyone had a right to drive without a driver’s license.  Since I was at least a year away from being eligible to drive, I enthusiastically brought the zine to my father, who was an attorney.  I asked him to help me go about filling out whatever imaginary paperwork the zine author said I needed in order to drive without a state-issued license.

My father shot me down and explained that there are a lot of quacks out there who read ridiculous things into the Constitution.  Here are two more of them:

MEDFORD, ORE. (AP) - An Oregon couple accused of selling a diluted version of industrial bleach as a cure for cancer, earaches and other maladies claims the federal government can’t touch them because the product was sold to a private health association protected by free-speech and other constitutional rights.

….

In federal court filings, Louis Daniel Smith, 42, and Karis Delong, 38, of Ashland say the production and sale of “Miracle Mineral Supplement” through their online company, Project GreenLife, was protected because the product was offered only to members of a “First Amendment Private Health Care Association.”

Source: Oregon couple defends sales of cure-all bleach - Washington Times

By their logic, I can start a “First Amendment Private Health Care Association” and make it open to anyone over 18.  I can then sell them wine and beer for medicinal purposes.  Never mind that selling beer to an 18-year-old is illegal – I’m merely exercising my First Amendment rights!

I haven’t logged in to PACER to pull any of the court filings, but something tells me these folks aren’t represented by an attorney.